It is said that you can choose your friends but you can\u2019t choose your family, and the saying appears to hold true for teachers as well. You\u2019d be well within your rights to not like Miss Cruz for giving you that detention when you didn\u2019t hand your homework in on time, and most people would forgive you for lamenting the way Mr Jones always seems to have a pop quiz up his sleeve. Even we might agree that most PE teachers seem to derive a little too much schadenfreude from watching the students struggle to complete the bleep test year after year.<\/p>\n
We all dream of having extraordinary teachers like the ones we see on the Silver Screen, such as Jack Black from School of Rock, or the late Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. Sure, these examples are only fictional characters, but what if you were able to choose any real person to replace Miss Cruz or Mr Jones? Who would you pick? We\u2019ve compiled a list of people who you might want to substitute your teachers with if given the chance, but our suggestions come with a warning: be careful what you wish for\u2026<\/p>\n
Chemistry – Walter White<\/strong><\/p>\n This chemistry entrepreneur turned high school teacher turned meth chef thoroughly knows his way around a laboratory and is certainly one teacher who wouldn\u2019t put up with classroom horseplay. Unfortunately, the actor behind Mr White (Bryan Cranston) wasn\u2019t a professional chemist before he turned to acting, so his molecular bravado stands testament more to his acting abilities than any scientific merit. Although Cranston was a member of his high school\u2019s Chemistry Club, we might hazard a guess that either he\u2019s forgotten a few things, or syllabuses have changed a little bit since 1973.<\/p>\n Psychology – Derren Brown<\/strong><\/p>\n Brown is best known for his astonishing illusions both on stage and on screen, but he professes that he is not so much a magician as a master of psychological manipulation. It doesn\u2019t stretch the imagination to concede that this man, who hypnotised a stranger into assassinating Stephen Fry (among other shocking feats), probably knows close to everything there is to know about the human brain. The only problem with having Brown as a teacher is that his close ties to The Magic Circle would almost certainly prevent him from sharing any of this extensive knowledge at all!<\/p>\n Art – Banksy<\/strong><\/p>\n This Bristol-based graffiti master has a unique talent for using street art as a vehicle for political statements – from his kissing policeman to the Mona Lisa with a bazooka launcher – he always seems to have a creative and liberal opinion to put forward on current events. With Banksy as a teacher, art lessons might teach you a little more than just how to paint, draw or, indeed, open a spray can. It\u2019s just a shame that nobody knows for sure who he really is\u2026<\/p>\n Music – Beyonc\u00e9 Knowles<\/strong><\/p>\n This music mega mogul has been in the business since age eight and is arguably one of the best-selling music artists of all time. She can compose music, sing, dance and act, too, so she\u2019d undoubtedly be able to teach you more than how to play chopsticks on the glockenspiel. Not only this but she\u2019s a strong business woman, a proud feminist and a loving parent – who could be a better role model? The trouble is that employing Beyonc\u00e9 costs over \u00a3300,000 for 20 minutes, which is unlikely to be a sum of money smaller than your school\u2019s weekly budget – maybe a pre-term bake sale might drum up a little revenue?<\/p>\n Food Technology – Gordon Ramsey<\/strong><\/p>\n This TV chef has trained under Marco Pierre White and<\/em> has had a grand total of 15 Michelin Stars awarded to his restaurants. He definitely knows his way around a kitchen so could easily teach any class how to concoct something with a little more finesse than chocolate chip cookies or lasagna. However, Ramsey is not known for his patient and forgiving nature, so he may not be best suited for guiding early learners. After all, he was infamously quoted as telling a budding young chef, \u201cmy grandma could do better than that, and she\u2019s dead\u201d.<\/p>\n English – William Shakespeare<\/strong><\/p>\n The Immortal Bard is commonly regarded as the greatest single contributor to English Literature. This poet, playwright and actor would not only have impeccable knowledge of grammar (if a little old fashioned) but his creative genius would help inspire your own short stories too. However, whether Shakespeare may indeed be the single<\/em> best English substitute isn\u2019t so certain. Indeed, it has been proposed that \u2018Shakespeare\u2019 may have actually been a pseudonym used by groups of other authors. \u201cTo be or not to be: that is the question\u201d, Shakespeare would be a great English teacher, if only we could be sure that he actually was.<\/p>\n If this bunch of mavericks really was your teaching staff, you might be pretty excited to end the summer holidays to get back to school, however, you might also quickly find that their appeal is rather short-lived. Although old Mrs Wilson might talk a little monotonously when listing the many differences between plant and animal cells, or Mr Cunningham\u2019s tweed jacket might smell a little too strongly of moth balls for your personal preference, these are the teachers who know their stuff and care about you enough to put in their time and dedication to make sure you achieve your full potential. Personally, we\u2019d take a mothball filled classroom over watching Gordon Ramsey hurl expletives at failing students any day.<\/p>\n Who would you like to have as your celebrity teacher?<\/p>\n