How can I make my experience of working in a retail store relevant to doing a Psychology (or any) degree?

example:

On top of my A levels and hobbies this shows you can handle multiple things at once, which is a valuble skill at university, I have also worked part-time at a fast-food restaurant for more than a year commitment I have learned how to prioritiseimportant skill at uni and life my school related duties to the best of my abilities, work under pressuresame as well as communicate with a range of different peoplerelevant to career throughout my time in the work environment. In a career which deals with people sameand their behaviour every day, I believe communication is keyconfidence, which is why my part-time job has been such a great help not only for a degree but also for a career show passion and future goals in Psychology. 

can you think of 2 ways this paragraph could be improved? e.g. making it more concise 

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Answered by Alexandra V. Personal Statements tutor

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