St Trinian’s School
The girls of St. Trinian’s – the daughters of mobsters, thieves and other scum of society – are the schoolgirls we’d love to get away with being. Not only are the fourth form girls are portrayed as unkempt, ink-stained demons; the teaching staff are also less than reputable, largely due to the somewhat-less-than-legal enterprises of the Chairman of the Board of Governors – Flash Harry. Although we’re not sure how much we agree with the sexual precociousness of the sixth formers, we could certainly get along attending a school whose students present a negative correlation between age, and dangerousness-when-armed.
The Jade Palace (Kung Fu Panda)
We can’t deny that learning Kung Fu as a principle gets us very excited. And the Jade Palace in Ancient China is the best place we can imagine learning it in for three reasons:
1) The opportunity to study Kung Fu in the country and time of its birth. No situation could offer a more pristine education in this prestigious martial art.
2) A Kung Fu master with the authority of Dustin Hoffman, and the insufferable cuteness of a red panda – what more could we ask for?
3) Dumplings on tap. Yep, sign us up.
Constance Billard School for Girls (Gossip Girl)
We have to admit it, our desire to attend Constance Billard School for Girls has less to do with the academy’s stellar reputation for producing well-educated and well-behaved society girls, and more to do with all the amazing parties the academy’s attendees tend to throw. Forget birthday discos in cold village halls and after-school trips to the bowling alley; as a Constance Girl we’d be more than happy to attend Blair Waldorf’s infamous annual sleepover and the glamorous charity galas and polo matches. We are, of course, mildly concerned by the renowned back-stabbing nature of the students, but we might just get over it for all of those opportunities to buy a new pair of shoes.
Derek Zoolander School for Kids that Can’t Read Good and Want to do Other Stuff Good Too (Zoolander)
Can’t read good? No problem. Not so good at other stuff too, but would like to be? Then this is the school for you! No student likes to feel overly pressured to do well in their GCSEs and A Levels, and for some students this concern can become a major issue around exam time, so it’s a welcome breath of fresh air to hear of a school whose name alone suggests a relaxed, approach to encouraging what students can do, rather than punishing what they can’t. As an extra bonus, we’d not only learn how to read good, but also how to perfect our Blue Steel, Le Tigre and Magnum. London fashion week, here we come.
Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches (The Worst Witch)
Every child, and adult for that matter, has dreamed about the day their invitation to Hogwarts might drop through the letter box. And, as attractive as all of the drama concomitant with studying at Hogwarts is, we’d like to attend a school where we don’t have to worry about fighting He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in one form or another at the end of every academic year. So forget quidditch and occlumency, it’s time to learn how to balance a cat on a broomstick at Miss Cackle’s Academy. Although it may seem a little more glamorous to pioneer the fight against the forces of dark magic, we recon we’d probably have more fun learning how to turn our enemies into snails.
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