Parent Blog

Top 12 cracker jokes to tell at Christmas

What makes Christmas crackers a festive favourite? The paper crown, progressively sliding down your forehead as you make your way through the turkey course? Or is the cracker joke the true champion of the Christmas cracker– making everyone groan, roll their eyes and laugh politely around the table?

We’ve picked 12 top cracker jokes to share, sent to us by our wonderful parent community. Share them over lunch, on Zoom, across the garden – however you’re celebrating this year – and see if they get any actual laughs!

Here we go…

1. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even.

Paul, *competition winner*

2. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.


3. Why was the snowman rummaging in a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose!


4. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney and a fire is lit?

Crisp Kringle!


5. What do you call an old snowman?



6. What do you call a child who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.


7. Why did the turkey join the band?

Because it had drumsticks!


8. How do snails fight?

They slug it out.


9. What athlete is the warmest in winter?

A long jumper!


10. How does Darth Vader like his turkey?

On the dark side.


11. Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?

She sleighs. 


12. Where did the asparagus go for after work drinks?

The salad bar.


… And there you have it— plenty of material to use over the Christmas season!

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