Exam season can bring up lots of worries for teens. Like, what if their mind goes blank in the exam hall? Or what if they fail, and then can’t get into their top choice uni? Sometimes their worries get in the way of sleep, and even affect how they do on their exams–the exact thing they were afraid of! But the good news is that worries are just thoughts, and a thought can be changed.
Here are 5 tips on how to help them turn their worries around:
- Encourage them to make friends with their worries.
- Show them how to challenge their worrying thoughts.
- Encourage them to make time for self-care.
- Show them how mistakes and setbacks are helpful.
- Remind them about what they do well.
1. Encourage them to make friends with their worries.
Let them know that worrying about exams is completely normal. That even the most seasoned exam-taker gets those pre-exam nerves. It’s true that stress can feel pretty physically uncomfortable with their heart thumping away, and their stomach twisting in knots. But you can remind them that those feelings are nothing to panic over–that it’s just the body’s way of getting ready for a new challenge. And some stress is actually good! It gets them pumped and ready for the big event.
2. Show them how to challenge their worrying thoughts.
Good stress becomes bad stress if they let it take over. And exam season does drag on a bit. A good way to show them exams won’t go on forever is by tacking a calendar up where they can see it, and drawing a circle around the end date. It reminds them that there is life after exams. And in the meantime, the trick is to help them see exams in a new way. Here’s something they can try in a journal: Have them draw a line down the middle of their page. On one side of the page, they can write down all their worrying thoughts. And on the other side, they can challenge those thoughts. Like this example:
My worries | Push back |
| I’m not good enough. | There are lots of things I’m good at, like writing stories. I’m a good cook too. |
I’m going to draw a blank in the exam | I’ve had lots of practice with revision. And I’ve done well on tests, quizzes and mocks before. My mind didn’t go blank then. |
This super simple activity helps them question whether their worries are actually true, which helps calm things down.
3. Encourage them to make time for self-care.
Whether it’s meditation, yoga, knitting or soaking in a bath–remind them that they matter and deserve a break. Doing something that helps them switch off and take their mind off exams breaks the cycle of worry. If there’s something they love doing–like painting, encourage them to schedule it into their timetable. Any chance they have of getting into a flow state–where they’re just totally wrapped up in something they love– helps them recharge.
4. Show them how mistakes and setbacks are helpful.
A lot of teens panic about exams because they’re afraid of making mistakes and failing. Teenagers can especially feel like they’re not good enough when they stumble. So, the key is to change the story around mistakes and setbacks. Instead of, ‘I must not make mistakes,’ and, ‘if I make mistakes then I’m a failure,’ help them see mistakes as a completely normal part of learning.
How can you help them reframe their ideas about mistakes? Well to start, you can share stories of your own setbacks with them. Tell them about your stumbling blocks–the time you failed your driving test, or when you had a presentation and the slides were all wrong. Send them stories about famous people who’ve made mistakes and had setbacks, which actually led them onto better things.
5. Remind them about what they do well.
Grades aren’t the be all and end all, but during exam season, it can definitely feel that way! This is a good time to remind your teen about their strengths: how well they paint or play football, or just how well they look after the cat. Have them come up with a list themselves– their top 5 non-school related achievements. And on a more regular basis, praise them when they’re in the middle of a project. So for example, if they’ve written a second draft of a short story, tell them how proud you are of the progress they’ve made. And just like that– you’re making the process of learning more important than the end result.
With all this talk of exams and grades, it’s no wonder they’re feeling worried. But with your support, they’ll soon see that exams don’t have to be this huge, scary thing that defines them.