They’ve been revising for ages, going to bed early–doing all the right things to prepare. But…the exam didn’t go well. In fact, your teen called it a ‘disaster’. Of course as a parent, you want to support them through this tough time. But what’s the best way?
Well, here we’ll go through 5 tips to help you get them back on track.
- Listen to their worries.
- Give them space if they’re not ready to talk about it.
- Praise their strengths.
- Open up about your own setbacks.
- Ask them how you can help.
1. Listen to their worries.
Your first thought might be to jump in and rescue them. You might say, ‘I’m sure you did well!’ Or, ‘It’s going to be OK.’ But to your teen who’s just had a really hard time, it can feel like you’re brushing off their worries. And like all people, teens want to feel seen and heard. So if they open up about their post-exam worries, just listen without rushing in with tips or affirmations. Instead, you can tell them, ‘That sounds really tough. I’m sorry you’re going through this.’ Empathy goes a long way, and a problem shared is a problem halved.
2. Give them space if they’re not ready to talk about it.
Some teens will have the opposite reaction–they won’t say a word about how their exam went. While it’s still fresh, give them breathing room. Let them switch off completely after their exam by doing something that soothes them like watching their favourite show or soaking in the bath. Avoid asking them how they answered their questions. They’ll come around eventually, and when they do, put them in the driver’s seat. Try asking them how you can help.
3. Praise their strengths.
When they’ve had a chance to cool off, let them know what they do well. Teens can feel like they’re not good enough at the best of times. And sitting an exam that doesn’t go well can really knock back their confidence. While they’re down, avoid comparing them to their friends or siblings. Even if you’ve been on their case for months about revising, they’ll still feel crummy after staring at an exam paper for 2 hours, and just need some TLC. So praise their strengths. It doesn’t need to be about school. Whatever they’re good at–drawing or even how they look after the dog– let them know they’re doing it well.
4. Open up about your own setbacks.
Being open about your own mistakes and setbacks helps them relax. It sends the message that learning is a process. Tell them about a big meeting that didn’t go the way you’d planned. Or about the time you failed an exam, and how that made you feel. Try to point out mistakes and setbacks you make on a more regular basis–to make your teen see that it’s a normal part of life. It can really help them to know that they’re not alone when they see others face setbacks (even celebrities!)–and come back stronger.
5. Ask them how you can help.
Once the blow of a tough exam has softened, you can both look at why things went the way they did. Let them tell you what they think went wrong. Maybe they’ve got learning gaps in a subject and need extra help from their teacher or an expert tutor. Or it can be a case of sharpening their exam-taking skills. Making time to have regular chats with your teen really helps you get to the bottom of a problem–and it’s never too late to start!
Every child is different with how they deal with setbacks. But when they’ve had a big knock to their confidence– they all want to feel better. And with your support and encouragement, they’ll get through the tough times, and come out even stronger.